The Gospel of the Easter Bunny

(The Book of Heaven's Hare)

It is a hare-raising tale
Sorta sad, sorta funny
For once upon a time
There was a special bunny
Who brought the people joy
And taught them to have fun
Yet even as they laughed and danced
His life became undone.

An archaeological dig
In lower Percydocyair
Unveiled the previously unknown
Book of Heaven's Hare
Significantly the book was found
One foggy Easter morn
On the very day they say
That Heaven's Hare was born.

Deciphering this gospel text
Scholars have made clear
Heaven's Hare was neither sex
That's why he was so dear
Women loved him, so did men
And children loved him too
Watching him hop around
Made them feel like new.

Every other week or so
He'd gather all around
And he would teach that heaven
Was a happy hopping ground
And everyone could go there
If they would just forget
Their lust for eating animals
And feed on healthy carrots.

These lessons were so well received
They got to be a habit
All the people came to call
The hare their reverend rabbit
He spoke of the importance
Of tending to the gardens
To see that all the vegetables
Were gloriously resplendent.

But then one day some hunters
Carrying great big guns
Told Heaven's Hare he'd better go
Back to where he'd come from
Reverend Rabbit stood his ground
He wasn't even scared
He told them throw your weapons down
For I am Heaven's Hare.

They didn't throw their weapons down
They drew a bead on him
He took off hopping out of town
Things got pretty grim
They pulled their triggers all at once
The air exploded sound
And when the smoke had disappeared
The hare was not around.

All the people ran to see
If he was dead and gone
The children sobbed tearily
Then broke out in a song
Oh Heaven's Hare, Oh Heaven's Hare
We loved you, O dear Heart
We'll tend your garden faithfully
'Til this life we depart.

Suddenly, a voice, a cry
I see, I see, the Hare
He just flew up into the sky
There he is, there!
But no one else could see the bunny
Heaven's Hare was gone
Something though was very funny
Or very, very wrong.

The children saw them first
And shouted out for joy
Strewn along the bunny's path
Were brightly-colored toys
Then a girl named Mary
Who had long and good strong legs
Ran into a meadow full
Of brightly-colored eggs.

Reverend Hare, Reverend Hare
All began to chant
For they believed in Heaven's Hare
And they were adamant
Then another miracle occurred
The eggs had multiplied
And everyone realized
Heaven's Hare had never died.

Thank goodness they discovered
This Easter Bunny gospel
'Cause lots of folks alive today
Have become infidels
They long ago gave up belief
In an egg-laying Heaven's Hare
And it is such a great relief
To have the truth laid bare.

So Heaven's Hare still lives
His Easter eggs abound
And every single brand-new Spring
You'll find them all around
Read the story once again
Of happy Heaven's Hare
The lives of those who do believe
Is eggscelent, I swear.

© 2006 by Ansohn, 2008 by Jacob Anson. All Rights Reserved